When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother. ( Women are so much smarter than men!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Women are always Clever
Man: " Haven't we met before?
"Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
"Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
"Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?
"Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
"Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
"Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too.
"Man: "So what do you do for a living?
"Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "I know how to please a woman .
"Woman: "Then please leave me alone.
"Man: "I want to give myself to you.
"Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
"Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave.
"Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
"Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
"Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there ?"
"Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.
"Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
"Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?
"Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
"Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
"Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too.
"Man: "So what do you do for a living?
"Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "I know how to please a woman .
"Woman: "Then please leave me alone.
"Man: "I want to give myself to you.
"Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
"Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave.
"Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
"Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
"Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there ?"
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Her 50th Anniversary
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, But how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply." "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl The very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store On her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints And asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next To her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was Young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under Your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.
" They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the Best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around Very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he Gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them Against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, Okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and Says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't" she says. "I was sitting behind you at McDonalds
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, But how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply." "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl The very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store On her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints And asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next To her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was Young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under Your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.
" They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the Best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around Very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he Gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them Against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, Okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and Says, "Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't" she says. "I was sitting behind you at McDonalds
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